It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He shit in the fireplace
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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