Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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