the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Randomize
