weddingsv make me drug and hornr
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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