I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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