By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
