no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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