Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
