when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
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He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
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Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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