You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
