So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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