Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
