Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
