My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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