So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
