If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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