Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
