The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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