What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
