Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
