goodnight i made you a song goodbye
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
