I faked an abortion last night.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
