Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
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i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
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we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize