batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
