I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
