i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My ass is underappreciated
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
