Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
