Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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