Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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