I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
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