So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
We need to get me chipped asap
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
