he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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