ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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