I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Randomize
