Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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