I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
