do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
