my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize