if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I will be naked everywhere
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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