I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
