I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
