I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
