She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Success! We fucked roommates!
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
