just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Semen is not good for contacts.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
