how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
