he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
