planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
