I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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