sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
