Whoa Z and x make the same sound
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!