I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
