ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
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