Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
