just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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