So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
