my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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