I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
