I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
