I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
