My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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