Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
