i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's official drugs can't kill me
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
