Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
