I think i peed on brittanys purse
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
