Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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