You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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