the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
Randomize
